Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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