He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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