I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
