I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
