So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
