from now on my penis is your penis
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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