u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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