I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
