So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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