I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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