I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
