I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
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