Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Randomize
