his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
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So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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