I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
nutella sex= disaster
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
