A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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