first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Im part way to drunk.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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