I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
