I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
