***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
