if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
