Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
