I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
