Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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