You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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