Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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