yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
