party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
