The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
