My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
