I hate your face
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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