obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I think your dad took our porno
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
