I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
