hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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