i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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