Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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