Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
