I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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