Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
