Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
