I'm going to jail i love you
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Randomize
