If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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