U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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