I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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