i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm way too hungover for life right now
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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