P.S. I can't hear my feet
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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