If that was your dad, he is hot
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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