Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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