I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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