He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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