We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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