Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
