So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
