Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
