He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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