Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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