Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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