The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
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