If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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