p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
