I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
