He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
