He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
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