shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
