So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
